death metal is alive… and very well! part 2

Exhumed with Molder, Savage Master, and Jarhead Fertilizer at Starlite Room, Edmonton Nov 12/26

Fun headbanging time at Starlite Room last night. Well, that happens most of the time at the ‘lite, but it doesn’t happen most of the time you’d witness (even if not first time) not just the high priests of a genre, but the ones rocking out like teens, and clearly still enjoying it! Sure, we had Incantation over recently, and they are literally the old-school death metal, still kicking and recording really good stuff, loyal to the genre, but they just played the classic album of 35 minutes and fucked off! Well, Exhumed did a much more all-included, thoroughly penetrating, including very artistic, job.

For the starters, Molder were quite good headbanging death metal. Never heard them before, but i would listen to them and see them again.

Savage Master were also interesting, but in less fun way. They used fog machine to such extent that i could hardly see the band on stage at times. With burlap sack masks, i don’t know how the musicians could breathe normally or see what they were doing. The vocalist came out of the stood-up coffin and looked cool, but too soon seemed to figure that stripping down a bit would win the band more fervour. Actually, it got more boring. Plus, the bass guitar overpowered six-stringers’ efforts. Overall, not savage enough.

Jarhead Fertilizer were almost as good as couple years ago when they played Starlite Temple. It seemed to me that they somehow had lost half of their beefy riffs and gave fully into grind bacchanalia, but those meaty ones still left, oh, i loved those and so did my hair. Also, I thought that JF had best lights, in terms of how well the pace of lights moving and the music flow, at neck breaking speeds or at doomy parts, was coordinated (or a happy coincidence?)

Exhumed, as I’ve mentioned, have been at it for many decades and they proved it. Their death/grind is like a battle ship firing all of the cannons. It almost knocks you down. Yet there are still fun choruses to yell like “Necromaniac” and “Limb from limb from limb from limb” while a graveyard robber with a chainsaw was pretending to cut down more than willing front row enthusiasts. Hell, maybe not pretending… I must say, the aforementioned villain’s activities (such as giving birth to massive eyeballs, sparkle-shoot guitars, weilding a chainsaw, riding a motorbike, and running around with police tape) has livened up the Exhumed show a lot because even though the band is quite good at what they’re doing, they do need a bit of diversity – plenty a song sounded like one another. The boys must be well aware of that, because besides the roaming ghoul, they also mounted two cool looking monitors stylized as sound speakers.

Those devices, besides displaying colorful band’s logo, also showed video reports of all kinds of brutalities from times long past that the band sang about, such as scenes of horrific car accidents, useful and colourful propaganda on dangers of drinking and driving, surgeries, and other exciting and unsettling shit. All the while, the beach ball designed as an eyeball kept being thrown and juggled around the room, which added to the overall fun, for sure. A long death-metal-full-speed-ahead set was added with the cover of Kiss “Detroit Rock City” – nice bonus, for sure.

Altogether, it was a bloody good evening. Brad’s right – the saw is the law, haha! And i think this was the first concert i’ve spent the whole event, including intermissions, with earplugs in. Man, it was loud!

#molder #savagemaster #jarheadfertilizer #exhumed
#starliteroom #deathmetal #heavymetal #grinddeath
#headbanging #chainsawenthusiasts #motorbikeonstage #detroitrockcity #fogmachinessuckass

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pix are mine. i bet you can tell 🙂

The Rain, TigeR, and TRee

Saw a tree today…
saw its fray
In the branch end leaves,
them going yellow.

Couldn’t believe it,
but summer was surely
coming to an end,
As all does change

Mom said tigers skin stripes
Are followed by light ones,
Just as dark times aren’t forever.
Didn’t the Crow said, it can’t rain all the time?

But when Summer is rainy,
And Fall is short,
And Winter is near endless,
Tiger’s fur light lines is all I hope to see.

Kings, Goats, and death metal ravioli

Curiousser time at Rendezvous Pub last night. Nameless King and Thirteen Goats have rolled into town with their tour and made a significant ruckus. I figured I’d come a take a look at them since I never listened to them before, and enjoy some of the bands I enjoyed before.

The openers Exit Wound played without the bass player who is the coolest member of this thrash band from Calgary. The boyz have an interesting bloody theme: “blood” stained white t-shirts, red glares in ripped jeans and nice gleaming dark red guitars. Their music is alright, i saw them twice before and i liked their EP … but this night without the bassist it was really just not it. Plus, i started to more and more loathe it when musicians, although understandably but unnecessarily and regularly keep trying to communicate with their audience about having good time and pumping them up to wake up. Shut up and play already for fucks sake, y’know. So Exit Wound always do it and this time it was even more annoying. Sorry, guys…

A young lady, planted herself next to me and began doing acrobatics on her walker (!), while in between asking all kinds of questions about bands on tv. I wasn’t in the mood to chat or be friendly, sorry. Too much work, not enough live metal just yet…

Yeah, thankyou Rendezvous for feeding the TV screens with death metal promo vids while we waited between bands! Great time-killing idea!

Good human (and one ET) turnout, i’d say at least thirty people, and good rock out vibe altogether. Some moshing did happen, which is always interesting to witness at that venue, considering how little space there is for that.

Speaking of – the Acrobatic Fan eventually ran (!!) into the mosh with her walker (!!!) Weird sight… and surprisingly no one got extra hurt, by the looks of that.

Brain Stem, my favourite band of the evening, and of local metal bands for couple years, were excellent as always – maniacal, heavy, and sounding great. That night though it was even more fun, because one fan seemed to have decided that vocalist Jesse needs sustenance and passed on to him a can of ravioli and veggies or something similar which Jesse appeared to love munching on for a couple songs, alternating it with singing. Fun. Also, it turned out that yelling in approval was harder after recording screaming for a couple of hours, as I working on completeing my own song prior to coming to the show. New experience!

Thirteen Goats were intense and fun… when not trying to sing in clean voice or excitedly communicate with the crowd (although i get it, they were pumped to be at the end of the tour and loving every bit of it.) I think their bass player was performing across from stage in the corner or did i. consume too much caffeine?!

I only stayed for half of set by “bunch of nerds who write song about video games”, Nameless King in their own words. My back was tired and i didn’t care much for the bands putting “groove” or overly melodic bits in their music. Also vocalist’s overtly shy dancing on stage was too much for me (yeah, i guess im a serious and boring old school deathmetalhead.) They were still alright. I probably would have enjoyed them more if i wasn’t so tired.

#rendezvouspub #namelessking #thirteengoats #brainstem
#exitwound #nobassindeathmetalsucks #walkermoshpit #deathmetalraviolivocals

Blackened, yet Brightened

I’ll be honest, this was not an event I was waiting to attend for decades (as, on the other hand, it was with Exploited, seen three weeks earlier), though I am a Black Flag fan since ‘97. Mostly because seeing them live wasn’t something realistic, considering all the key members coming and going and forming other bands and suing each other in between. Thus, seeing the upcoming show ad on the wall invoked more of a “Yeah right must be a joke” reaction out of me and I didn’t buy a ticket for weeks after. But I did buy it, because even 71 years old Greg Ginn with performers at least thrice younger than him is still THE Greg Ginn playing Black Flag songs, so WTF am i really contemplating this for?!?

First impressions of the event were amazing already. A guy with electric violin plopped himself two steps from entry door (right next to me) and went jigging it out. He was very good but i felt like paying him to go away because my ears hated it – too close. Except for a couple teens who dropped coins into his can, nobody cared for the dude’s work. Sorry, pal, but we didn’t come here to see Dropkick Murphys, ok?

Funny enough, the day wasn’t yet done with violins. Upon my entry into the might Starlite Room, the sound guy was playing Mahavishnu Orchestra ‘Birds of Fire” on the PA! Which is an amazing record, hands down, that i was enjoying for decades, but more amazing is that: 1) it is not something you are likely to hear before a punk show (although Black Flag were/are quite experimental); 2) even more nuts is that i was going through the linear notes of that very CD, borrowed recently from the public library, an hour prior to the show! Wow. I didn’t believe my ears! But looking at the sound guy’s monitor i knew i got it right. I’ve briefly talked to his majesty Sound Master right after. We had a good laugh. And then he played Thin Lizzy for half an hour. Then – Cramps, SNFU, and DRI . Nice evolution!

Also, during that first half hour there were over fifty rockers in the room and I was the only longhaired guy. I shared that thought with a couple standing next to me. Fella said “Oh, thats becoming a norm now. Well, Metallica guys all looking shorthaired and respectful now.” Wtf?? Dude must be living in a forest.

Anyway, Black Flag formation 2026 took the stage later than 8pm sharp but totally SLAYED! Besides Gregg looking quite in shape and with a cool transparent plastic body of a guitar, the band was also very pro at what they do and it was absolute pleasure to hear them. The drummer was friggin awesome, and the vocalist Max was totally born to be in this band, even though she is literally decades away from BF heyday (she also revealed she was either born or raised in Edmonton. small fkn world, hey). I hope this line-ip will last, and record, and release something tangible together. We had to our listening pleasure a mind-bogglingly all-inclusive set list and great sound. Audience was nuts and happy, I’ve spotted one case of stage diving and all kinds of moshing, including a circle pit involving the bassist who kept playing(!). I met some new people, which happens rarely. Great night. Thankyou Starlite!

#blackflag #punk #punkmusic #starliteroom #mahavishnuorchestra (haha)

Refreshing It

I keep noticing –
Movies now have less
Cigarette smoking.
That’s good!
Yet booze flows freely…


Through struggles
I know now what booze is –
A liquid lie,
Bent on destroying
Body spirit and mind
Not out of evil spite.
No, we made it ourselves,
To ourselves
And accepted as indenting reality
That we keep it
To brighten our days.


Yet for some of us
That joy is the worst poison.
And to all others – wasn’t it still deadly?
Yet they too take it fondly
And call it refreshments
While it’s anything but!
They keep returning to it,
Not as wildly as I would, granted,
But don’t they seem to
Depend on getting refreshed?

Dear Igor

Guess where I’ve been last Friday night? That place where I saw you for the first time, and took you home from an hour later. That’s a sad place down there. It looked nice and well equipped and all kinds of services seem to run nicely, but the residents looks sad, and hopeful, and more sad. I remember how excited you were when I came to meet you.

And next day I walked through a much happier place, a massive off-leash park with so many dogs running through snow, and I remembered you, and thought you’d love that too.

And I also remembered what day was coming around in connection to you because in four day would be two years since we don’t have you in our lives (which was yesterday). Lots of things to think, to recall.

And you are still with us, in our memories. In the stories that your toys we still keep tell. In the places you lived to go to and play at. In your pictures at our home. In the pictures and videos your mom and I find on our phones and share with one another.

I miss you, master fluffy playing kind kid.

Sit and Wait (While Getting Deaf)

Sitting constant observ in the hospital,

Facing another staff on constant,

While patients sleep on –

It’s nice to have a warm job,

But time runs slow

Just as blood in the veins,

A nourishment of a paycheck 

While you accomplish nothing otherwise.

Sitting on the train,

That is sitting in a tunnel, –

I’m waiting to be released,

Waiting to be let go home,

While the steel snake collects dust,

Waiting to go on.

Time, time, time

An endlessly probing tyne

Stabbing my existence

With questions of “why,

Why still to I sit so still?

And how much longer?

And is there really any benefit to this?

This and other time 

I am in temporary service,

And the best metaphor for it 

Is food,

That feeds the gut, 

Then turns to shit, 

Loudly fearing the end of it all.”

How nourishing a thought that is,

Knowing your value,

Driving your brain into scream

Getting deaf, as well,

For while all that rubbish is never to perish

Rolls and whispers,

Noise never ceases, 

And it bounces and screams –

Announcements, advertisements, 

Orders and empty promises,

But mostly – endless chatter

Of whine, of last night’s dine and wine,

Of bullshitting yourself while bullshitting others.

Why still all this, 

Listening to all the unnecessary junk

(and perhaps, subconscious propaganda)

Of consumerism and complacency,

While my sanity’s expiring like a jug of milk in the fridge

And the eardrums surely distressing into jelly –

When I could have been sleeping

And knowing none of this,

Attempting to cheat time.

Sit & wait – 

I think it’s a weapon 

That kills with more efficiency

Than a Smith & Wesson.

walk slow. slower.

There is a hilarious video from about 15 years back: “So we went to Banff and we saw a unicorn. I thought unicorn were so-o-o extinct!” I kept recalling it through the years, and for some reason my latest adventure a month ago reminded me of it.

We didn’t see any extinct species in Kananaskis that weekend, but we did climb 9K to reach the top of the mountain… which is something I haven’t done in 6-7 years, and even then, it wasn’t that high and that steep.

Anyway, besides great sights to behold, I’ve also learned a couple of things. Darren who drove us there and navigated the whole thing, he is highly skilled and very experienced climber of many years. He had several good advices for me to keep walking without walking out on the whole thing.

Walk slow, he said. Slower. Slower than that. You’d want to conserve your energy and still have of energy when it’s time to go back.

I must admit, it was hard for me to walk slow. I think I’m doing a better job walking slow in the last several years due to working in the hospital and moving side by side with patients that have mobility issues. Yet even that was too fast, apparently, for climbing Opal mountain.

I kept walking up the steep slope, thinking of that, trying to breathe steadily, make small steps, and that made me think of making steps and completing the Steps in recovery. My first sponsor Ted G. said, if you go low and slow, you will grow.

About half hour before we reached the summit, Darren said I need to count the steps – to one hundred, and then count over again. He said that as you’d get progressively tired by then time, counting steps would take the mind off the strain. Meditation of sorts? Sure. I was by then focusing on rune mantra for about an hour, but counting steps sounds like a good idea, as well. We read and recite the Steps in AA meetings each time. That way we introduce the newcomers to them, but we also re-introduce ourselves to them at the same time. Twelve Steps lessons are that when dealing with life and frustrations and resentments, to look at them not as “these people! oh if I had it my way in life!” but “where is my part in this situation?” Reading the Steps re-introduces us to how to see it and how to walk with that wisdom and how to apply these skills. We move through life taking a good look at how to move accurately and kindly to everyone involved.

I am still learning all this. There are days I want to take shortcuts. Then some other days I see how shortcuts could have screwed things up, and I am grateful for keeping it steady and as long of a walk as was necessary.

the “Total death of worldly care in the mountainous embrace” and “Even mountains have their own set of steps” images are by me.

allowing teachability, part 2

“You cant hypnotize an alcoholic. They don’t give up control.”

I think it was a Coffee News joke. At any rate, its true. Alcoholics do not give up control and they have a tendency not to learn well, either.

I am the primary example. Still, even in sobriety.

I didn’t give up control when been taught or advised on many things when I was a kid or a teen. To think of it now, I don’t know what I was fighting against. I didn’t know what guns I was sticking to, at least most of the time I didn’t know. Sure, kids do that, but some of them learn after. As for me, though, I was not of sharp mind, making few mistakes. Quite the opposite, actually. So, rejecting help was not exactly smart of me.

Several years back I saw a book in public library that collected graduate students letters to their younger selves: what would they have advised themselves of or against of?

I know from my work experience with drugs and alcohol recovery program that it is encouraged and a part of curriculum in some places to write a letter to yourselves in the future, for encouragement, to remember where you came from and how hard, but important was the change.

Now here was a different idea – it was acknowledgement of what you now know and, perhaps, how you learned it, with an opportunistic twist of going back in time and teaching your younger self of what to do and what not.

I thought of that. What would I write in a letter to my younger self if he/I had a a chance to hear it? What would I advise myself of (without worrying much about Back to the Future principle “change the past – change/endanger the future”? To take some particular opportunity? Talk to that girl in high school? To not talk to that kid? How about not taking any of those drinks?

And then another memory came – of talking to a teen about his issues. I wrote about it years back. In a nutshell – would I in age 14 listen to older me looking like a hippie with a job in a homeless shelter talking to me of how messed up he has got before he got better?

Again, I still I wasn’t listening to anyone about life, with about the same dedication that i gave into running with ADHD wolf in regards to my academic studies. Nobody tried to hypnotize me though. Who knows, I might have had agreed to that, for the morbid fun of it. But would I listen to me? Would I care to read that letter? Somehow, I think not.

I now have got two decades of sobriety under my belt, but I am certainly not a wise person. I maybe a better student, though. I started learning of many things when I joined AA. That is one school I had to put a lot of my attention and work into, in order to quit drinking and stay sober, and positive at that. I really wanted that. And it worked, in some ways better than I ever expected.

the image was copied from https://www.google.com/imgres?q=hypnotize%20funny&imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fthumbs.dreamstime.com%2Fb%2Fhypnotist-39836.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.dreamstime.com%2Fillustration%2Fman-hypnotize.html&docid=MOlalCKiRZEMTM&tbnid=P7CI7r1F_NX3zM&vet=12ahUKEwixvsK07_SNAxVrFTQIHYG3H6AQM3oECFoQAA..i&w=800&h=564&hcb=2&ved=2ahUKEwixvsK07_SNAxVrFTQIHYG3H6AQM3oECFoQAA. thankyou.

c0de br0wn

I heard this hilarious one-liner at a meeting once: when someone is throwing crap at you, it doesn’t mean you have to catch it and throw it back.

Hilarious though it is, it is so true…

… because I had it happen to me and my coworkers in a hospital where one much mentally unwell patient used to throw his crap at us, and we surely behaved professionally…

… but speaking metaphorically, I still have a hard time successfully applying the “don’t throw crap back” principle to my life. I still throw the proverbial crap back when it is thrown at me. Anger, frustration, fear of being ridiculed farther, who knows what else…

Sometimes I can stop myself. In other times I can stop myself half way. And then… there are times I it appears the thrown crap hits the fan and throws it all all back at me in ways I didn’t expect was possible. And what do I do about that if not lash out in all might?

Ask for help from above works. Breathing deeply and slowly also helps. Learning experiences, I guess.

the image was copied from https://www.vecteezy.com/free-vector/no-poop thankyou.