There are necessary things that have to be done to get into recovery, and walk through recovery, to live recovered.
David E. just gave interview of his music journey, saying he never used that bad four letter word “work” to his attitude in playing music. It had to be fun and involve people having good time, he said. I think using that bad word for recovery could be seen same way – it has to be a positive time dedicating yourself to sobriety and recovery because otherwise it becomes a chore, and then we come to hating it… which I think is a wrong place to live at, because sobriety and living within the light of recovery from substance use and abuse is a lifestyle that should be enjoyed and cherished.
We do need to make those steps. If people dislike words “steps”, think that you have to make literal steps from bed to washroom to kitchen to front doorway to get out from your place to go shopping, walking your dog, or whatever you do to make money. Think of the “Twelve Steps” as progress for the sake of all the other literal steps to be taken with more purpose, strength, and joy, ongoingly.
Sometimes, we have to tread slower. Some other times, they are not even steps, but a quarter of a step. I recently learned of a true story of a person who suffered a stroke at home. They lived alone and expected no visitors. It took them time to understand what was going on when first symptoms presented themselves: sudden arm weakness and an attempt to exclaim to it out-loud came out weird due to speech slurred. Then they set themselves on a mission to call for help. But because of stroke, complete right or left half of their body, head to toes, was paralyzed. So their movement was compromised, and it took them near half a day (!!) to crawl, inch by inch at a time to make progress to get from one end of the house to the other to reach phone. They survived to tell this story, but I don’t know if they have made full rehabilitation.
Why such grim example? Well, when we don’t yet know anything, we crawl out of mothers wombs, all blood- and phlegm-covered. Is it less grim? Or in the darkness in new place, do we not step slowly and awkwardly to find a light switch? Anyway, why the example: like the stroke hero crawler, when we are new to recovery from alcohol and drug abuse, we go slow, beaten by our actions, crushed and burnt. We are then in the dark as to what happened, even if all signs of our self-abuse glared us in the face for a long time. The journey to make a phone call to get help is long and hard – there are so many obstacles, and it’s all in our minds. I always called it warped mythology. All the myths I have made about intoxication versus sobriety. All my heroes who drank, how gloriously they rode on their paths! And, in comparison, how gloomy was the world to deal with appearing in my head… And then, more grim thoughts coming up – will there be light of any joy in sober life, or just non-drinking grey mornings leading to grey days?
Warped beliefs were not serving me, but on contrary, were pushing me away from hope for the better, from talking to another person, not the one in my head, but someone with facts and with kind reassurance. Along while those myths, illusions, wicked fairytales kept me from reaching that phone to call help, and instead I kept crawling around it, confused, maybe scared, definitely lonely and getting angry from all of that. All of that kept me at least partially paralyzed from accepting better life.
It took courage to grab the phone and admit my powerlessness. But from there on it became easier. And then it got harder – I learned basics of how not to take the first drink, but I knew not or learned not right away how to keep doing it for another day without getting resentful of life. It is what the Steps helped with, I was told. So I had to do them Steps, because I couldn’t think of crawling anymore, fighting myself in my head. Sometimes that journey was slower that what I wanted, but it was solid, and it was in the right direction.
And then I began earning to have fun with it. No longer poisoning myself with alcohol, my mind started clearing and strengthening. I began to like sun light again. I started enjoying company of others. So often recently I enjoy meetings for the serenity and positivity. I don’t with everything people say there, but I appreciate the most of it. It give me assurance in better days coming (or already being here, I just need to pay better attention) and it give me ideas for reflecting on what I am and know and how to go about it without over-thinking and overdoing. Writing these posts is more fun than playing the same squirrel-in-a-wheel-run in my head. The more I let out of my head, the lighter my mind feels. Positivity of the mind is a blessing that cannot be overstated.
the image was copied from https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Ffactzoo.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2Fimg-fz%2Freptiles%2Fnile-crocodile-running.jpg&tbnid=ohv2J-rtazXU5M&vet=12ahUKEwirzeLA0_6EAxXpLDQIHS_SDTAQMyhAegUIARDzAQ..i&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Ffactzoo.com%2Fbook%2Fnile-crocodile-smile-top-predator%2F&docid=OYWzmCCXoJQLHM&w=510&h=383&q=crocodile%20crawl%20smile&ved=2ahUKEwirzeLA0_6EAxXpLDQIHS_SDTAQMyhAegUIARDzAQ . thankyou.
Trezvennost II 
