When you don’t know
What you’re missing
Because you think this what you’ve got is the best thing,
But you know deep down there it won’t last,
And yet you know no peace without it.
Ah, the paradox! How you hate that!
The world smells like a burning gutter
When you lack the best-thing-ever-that-poisons-you-with-mercy.
Painful knowledge of all that you did wrong or all that was done to you
Cuts you like a knife every minute,
Reminding you of imperfections of everything
Including yourself, but there is no peace in it.
One day you listen to what your dreams tell you,
To the quiet whisper of your repressed mind,
And you decide to take a stand
You take a step forward,
Away from the best-thing-ever-that-poisons-you-with-mercy
And it feels good in the process, your believing you can do it
But an hour later you need it, the poison.
Everyone has left you, so you tell yourself, but the poison never did.
Well, it did, but only in the times you couldn’t afford it.
So how can you say goodbye to this your only friend
Who will make it all ease up?
You take the step back to the self ingested paradise
And you are happy in your reunion,
Your courage is diminished, but oh well,
In fact you curse it,
You wish you’ve never crossed the boundaries to freedom,
You swear eternal love to the best-thing-ever-that-poisons-you-with-mercy,
While committing crimes against yourself.
Until another day,
When the boundaries become too close to breathe freely.
Freely? You don’t know what that is.
Courage is a word from some old book.
You feel so, and yet again you take a step forward, away from your favorite poison,
Yet this time you need to make more effort
Because each of your step that results in the bouncing courage
Brings you three steps back.
Each time you need to leap stronger
For your mind dies a little more each time
You listen to the lies you believe.
(the image was copied from https://research.adobe.com/news/how-a-ball-bounces-teaching-a-computer-real-world-physics/. thank you.)