opportunity – Trezvennost II

You say “what if…”

And I think about that

And then I think some more

And I want to take a step forward

To meet you in the middle

But what I end up doing

Is taking at least one step back

As I utter “Yeah, but…”

I recognize that I do that a lot –

Instead of embracing an opportunity

I settle for less.

Sometimes it feels like

I’m settling for less than nothing,

Because as time goes by

I see how I could have benefited

From the change proposed.

I keep on stalling before moving.

I wonder, “what if I fall?”

And then, the more confident voice in my head goes,

“OK, but what if you fly?

And what if you manage your life and environment

Much better from here on?”

How well that brave comment sounds.

I want to follow it

And then –

Anxiety and fear to make a choice

Kick me in the ribs.

Each time a decision is to be made

It feels like I’m facing a road sign saying

“Road works in progress. Expect closure, delays, genocide, Armageddon…”

Sure, I’m terrified!

Yet how realistic are those?

And how high is the possibility

That my undertaking a small new something

Is going to burn me with napalm instead of opening a door?

Yeah, but what are the guarantees that it would?

Well, sometimes there are none –

Life isn’t fair and violets are blue,

Yet some common sense, believing, hoping, and a realistic guess

Should count for something.

Taking no chances relates to jumping off a skyscraper.

But this one I’m dealing with is not it.

So, instead of “yeah, but…”

I push myself forward

To say, “Yeah, OK!”

And keep on doing so.

the image was copied from https://ramblingsofapilgrim.com/could-you-too-be-suffering-from-spiritual-inertia/ and twist-faded into a napalm burn by me. thank you.

There are all these signs. On the walls, on buses, on TV, in the papers. Some good ones, some better ones, some crappy and misleading. And many deep ones, many that make you think and wonder. I saw a new one at the work place weeks back.

“Things don’t happen to you. Things happen for you.”

Talk about deep ones, hey. How does that wise vase work?

Crap happens. Loss takes over. Tragedies crawl in and linger. Abuse of all that feels good and/or should stand strong and untouched breaks through and demoralizes. The dark suffocates the light and there seems to be either no end of misery or no sense of why would it ever happen, whether to the good people, or to the people in general.

Really, why? Well, hell knows, someone would say. Shit just happens. Or…

One very smart, but not very happy German said once “what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.” Then a fictional villain extraordinaire paraphrased: “what doesn’t kill you simply makes you… stranger.” But whoever posted the “happen for you” sign was way ahead of these two, or simply learned from them. Isn’t it more smart to be positive about things that wallow in infinite grieving and self-pity? Yes, grieving is important, but to keep swimming in the black lake, never allowing yourself to come on shore? I don’t think so.

So… things don’t happen to you. OK, I understand that some things do happen to you, disasters and death of loves ones, that seems too much and too great to see anything positive in, but still… things happen for you. To overcome. To learn something. Maybe not right away, because the pain is too much. Yet still, you and I and them, we learn how not to give up, how to stay on and not exit, how to cope, and a mass of time may pass and then we look back…

Yes, we look back and we see the wisdom, sometimes harsh truth, but if we take it for what we saw it before, that sharp punch of doom that knows no mercy, then we will learn nothing but that gods hate us. And if we did try to overcome, if we wanted it, and we looked for a better time, if we (important word) allowed us to have a better time for ourselves, then we will see the things for what they are, the possibly veiled opportunity to benefit from. And we will learn even better. From a mistake, or from a tragedy that wasn’t caused by us, or from a strange event that made no sense, and we will move on. And we may get way better. The crap that happened has done so for our good. I know you don’t like that perspective. I used to dislike it a lot, and who knows what else is coming my way. And yet, it is usually all good. I just have to give it time to see it in a different light.

the front image was copied from https://www.homedepot.com/p/12-in-X-8-in-Plastic-Not-An-Exit-Sign-PSE-0091/206873504 and altered by me. thank you