calmisanthropy

616I was asked why as an active member I don’t go to round-ups and conferences. The answer is “too many people.” I also don’t chair meetings. The answer to the unspoken question on that is I face so many people at my front line work, that’s enough of people around me on a daily basis.

There is also another reason. Cause I don’t like people that much. I think misanthropy is part of my spirituality. Perhaps, calm misanthropy. Not much rage but the feeling is still strong.

I don’t think it is hatred to people, not lately anyway. I think sometimes it is a deep disappointment in how people treat people. And some other times I just can’t stand being around people in large gatherings. At shows, I am OK to be around people if I am banging my head to music at shows. And then, somehow, I could be in a crowd of sober alcoholics that I know by spirit and yet I still can’t stand that mass of people. The only way I can get through the time in that crowd or any other is by growing a black cloud in my head and chest cavity. Sometimes it is a knowledge that we all are going to die, and the sun will still shine, just like in the Rammstein self-titled song. Some other times it’s a stillness of a Viking passing against the flow of the herd of slow moving civilians on the way to the shopping feeder. I could annihilate them all with the coldness of my stare and will.

Is that evil? Am I a threat to society? In a way, yes. I know what makes a person tick. I am often tired of being surrounded by such persons. And then… Then I find out that the persons have surprises for me. They can be fun. They can be very creative. I admire that. It makes me improve on similar skills within myself. I communicate with them and find lots in common with them.

As a result, I don’t hurt anyone. I walk on respectfully and responsibly. I don’t know what another person carries. It could be a burden. A pain. A joy. Both pain and joy and the mix of those that is a burden to them. Knowledge of death. Fear of birth. Acceptance. Rejection. Illness. Fear. I cannot know why the people are the way they are, and because of that, who am I to judge them?

Chuck Schuldiner, a musician I admire, wrote:

“Without judgement what would we do

We would be forced to look at ourselves emerged in lost time

Assuming what may be.

Without judgement perception would increase a million times.”

(“Without Judgement”, 1995)

[funny thing is, on the same album, Death Symbolic, Schuldiner’s got a song called “Misanthrope”]

Ah, people… Maybe they deal with something that I cannot help them with even if I cared to step out of my calm misanthropic domain. Maybe the maybe happened to them and they will never be the same, despite their desires or good willed efforts. I just need to calm my disappointment and keep walking. We all are still going to die, and the sun will keep on shining, but today I don’t have to be your enemy. The black cloud is still here, though. It almost never goes away.


the image was copied from https://www.metal-archives.com/albums/Death/Symbolic/616 thank you.

Unmet Expectations of Immediate Satisfaction

forGreen and happy was the forest

And you died in it quietly

Just like it was supposed to be.

All your wants you wore on your sleeve,

While your true human needs were tucked away in the black bag

In the farthest corner of your mind

You were too afraid to look at.

You lived so loud you couldn’t hear your inner pulse

And when it slowed down

You didn’t know it,

Because all you cared for was the gimmie-gimmies

That came and left, and new ones always arrived.

You made no friends,

Just enemies and acquaintances

And no one came for help when you screamed.

All your care was for how nice you looked

And how cool was your new cell phone.

Your desires were shallow.

All the need you had was for your wishes

To come true right away,

And if they didn’t, your inexistent patience

Ate at you like a wolf at a throat.

Beating heart of life that went on its terms

Scared the hell out of you.

Timeless breath of the planet made you twitch in worry

And when you waited for the sun to come up

And warm your limbs on that camping trip

(which is a surprise you went for one in the first place)

Cold kept biting on your skin,

As worms and ants minded their business,

As the birds were gathering and foxes hunting,

And you wondered “why the fuck is the sun taking so long to come up?!?”

And it came, but you didn’t know it

Because you finally fell asleep for the first time in your life

And the slumber was too beautiful to be alive for

So death was the best thing that ever happened to you

As you became nothing,

As you were.


the image was copied from http://gardenofgrace.org/into-the-smog. thanks.