Tag: desires

snowing light

snowFrustration at powerlessness may never go away. Desire for complete control sometimes is overwhelming, yet things are happening the way they are supposed to. I’ve witnessed that many times and yet I still battle it.

Two days of Spring at the time that Spring should have been majorly on the way, and then… the warmth and melting of snow and ice is replaced by the coldest day of the week and sharp wind, carrying more snow. The white joyously proceeded to cover everything that has melted like the warmth hasn’t been around for weeks. And I’m laughing at it, because I don’t want to growl in frustration. I’m tired of Winter, I’m tired of cold, and ice. I have to grin at the changes that I do not welcome to stay at least somewhat positive.

Yet for some reason I find it hard to apply that grinning to darker currents creeping up from the voids opening under my feet and tempting me to support my ego fire to the point that I assume I should have all things bending under my will.

Humility is easy to express unless ego prefers to listen to things that work for other people and I want to have that. I know that I should remember my limitations and be grateful for those. Snow lit by the morning sun starts falling at the time I wait for inspiration calls. Winter is not ready to retreat. Springtime will come when the nature says so. My gratitude for realizing it opens my eyes some more, and I can see that the right inspirations, not the things I want, but the ones I need, are continued to be brought to me, whether it is when I’m looking for them, or when I least expect them.

the image was copied from https://www.123rf.com/photo_48132831_winter-watercolor-abstract-background-with-falling-snow-splash-texture-christmas-new-year-light-coba.html and cut up mercilessly by me to avoid intrusions that don’t belong in the balance. thank you.

Unmet Expectations of Immediate Satisfaction

forGreen and happy was the forest

And you died in it quietly

Just like it was supposed to be.

All your wants you wore on your sleeve,

While your true human needs were tucked away in the black bag

In the farthest corner of your mind

You were too afraid to look at.

You lived so loud you couldn’t hear your inner pulse

And when it slowed down

You didn’t know it,

Because all you cared for was the gimmie-gimmies

That came and left, and new ones always arrived.

You made no friends,

Just enemies and acquaintances

And no one came for help when you screamed.

All your care was for how nice you looked

And how cool was your new cell phone.

Your desires were shallow.

All the need you had was for your wishes

To come true right away,

And if they didn’t, your inexistent patience

Ate at you like a wolf at a throat.

Beating heart of life that went on its terms

Scared the hell out of you.

Timeless breath of the planet made you twitch in worry

And when you waited for the sun to come up

And warm your limbs on that camping trip

(which is a surprise you went for one in the first place)

Cold kept biting on your skin,

As worms and ants minded their business,

As the birds were gathering and foxes hunting,

And you wondered “why the fuck is the sun taking so long to come up?!?”

And it came, but you didn’t know it

Because you finally fell asleep for the first time in your life

And the slumber was too beautiful to be alive for

So death was the best thing that ever happened to you

As you became nothing,

As you were.

the image was copied from http://gardenofgrace.org/into-the-smog. thanks.