serenity – Trezvennost II

overcoming

I hate it!

I didn’t sign up for this shit!

I really don’t need it, do I?

(let go)

Why do people do this to themselves?

(let go of ego)

What kind of life is this if you always have to do what’s prescribed in the paper?

(let go of wanting what’s right for you in the moment)

And this is not even in the paper!

(go inside yourself for a moment and listen to you heart beat)

I’m so mad right now and I can’t even express it, because this is workplace!

(just breathing can save you plenty of peace of mind)

Long deep breath in

Exhale to the point there is no air left and you feel you cannot do it for long without

Inhale it all.

Try a couple more times.

Keep thinking “I’m Ok. It’s OK. It will pass.”

Brushing away current personal dissatisfaction now

(what the fuck!!!)

Going with the flow of reality

(really?!)

You know you are feeling much better now.

(yeah, right)

And now, look, things start falling into place, aren’t they?

(i don’t know, man)

Yes, you do.

Enjoy.

Try not to think so much.

(how the hell do you do that?!)

When it doesn’t work,

Remember to breathe.

All the way out, all the way in.

Don’t just remember –

Act on it.

the image was copied from https://www.google.ca/search?q=caution+hot+sign&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjTlr3OuJLiAhWJi1QKHd3qCi8Q_AUIDigB&biw=1366&bih=625#imgrc=EaGeKj1m4YFSbM: thanks

That evening I was contemplating if I should be going to the regular Monday night AA meeting or stay home with my partner and watch Mom. With Mom being a TV series about recovering alcoholics, it and the meeting kind of would be similar experiences: both social, conversational, and recovery aspects are present.

At the beginning I wouldn’t want to hear about it. TV show about addicts in recovery? Give me a break! How much more about recovery can you put out?! I was taking recovery and sobriety very seriously, so making an entertainment out of it didn’t sit right with me. But then my partner kept watching it and as I kept walking in and out of the room, I listened and watched. And the only thing that was getting me annoyed was the wall of constant background laughter. So that’s not so bad, I figured. One day I sat down and watched several episodes in the row. With some good laugh, I took something else out of it. There were good lessons. As one member at my AA meeting said, whoever wrote that show had a very good idea and a very good feel for recovery. I kept watching and liking it.

I always had a hard time with listening. I had so much on my mind, so many things unspoken, ideas, rants, that I felt like I needed to keep running my mouth. As the result, I missed out on a lot of things others have said. You’d guess I wasn’t a big fan of hearing “I’ve told you so” because I heard it too many times! I was told many things thousands of times when I was a kid, and although my parents meant well, I wanted to keep my ears covered for half a day. Thus, I missed on some wisdom through out the years.

It was recovery that taught me to listen. Among other things, it talks about prayer and meditation, and I was well familiar with the first one, so that was not an issue. Yet the second one… My recovery teacher told me in our first meeting together not to talk, but listen, to pay attention to what people say, what’s going on in the room, and then after several meetings share what I had. That was a good a lesson, because I learned some patience, some tact, some care for what to say and what to keep out of respect for others.

I went on listening farther through the days, and I realized there was more to life than constant talking, thinking, moving, and buying. In fact, I already knew it, but I was not giving it enough chance and enough time to become essential in my life. To watch without judging. To listen without interrupting, no matter how wise my input may be. It took me years to learn that sometimes listening is the best form of having a conversation.

the image was copied from https://adimpact.marketing/the-art-of-active-listening/ thanks.

Ripple Effect

ripple-960x490 A person I know was taking a 34 years birthday cake at the AA meeting I go to often. I always loved it how he managed to put great examples out to make point, and how well he talked so that everyone understood what he was trying to say, leaving no room for scratching heads due to misunderstanding, unless we really needed to ponder something.

He said that for our actions that are ripple effects, just like when a drop of rain water falls in a lake, making waves. The harder it falls, the more intense the reaction of the ripples. And each time we do something bad, somebody would get affected by it negatively, although we may not see it. And each time we do something positive, someone will catch that too, somehow.

Now, he said, when we, the suffering alcoholics/addicts, come to recovery and live healthy, and just be there, sharing our recovery by living the principles of recovery, the effect will be made on others. We may not see it or know it, but the effect will be massive. For each one “saved” person, living recovery, there will be ten people positively affected by it.

I hear it often in the meetings that we are miracles. So many people out there don’t make it back healthy, or alive. They somehow give up on recovery, on the truth, they get tired of making an effort, or they were misled, or they couldn’t find something they really needed, or they had no helping hand, and they got lost. Those of us that got found and came to the right places to get our lives and sanity back, those are very fortunate ones. We are immensely lucky to get it together. And with us benefitting from recovery, by listening to others, sharing our stories, living the life of conscious sobriety, many people we know, and many that we don’t know can have a good life.

Why? Us addicts, we walk with fire and tornado by our sides. We mess up our families, friends, work places, strangers. We make police, and paramedics, and psychologists work harder. There are more hospital beds open for the injured when alcoholics walk out or don’t arrive in the first place. There are less issues in the world when we get out crap together and stop causing trouble. I caused trouble because I was hurt, but I rarely could see the aftermath of my hurt and insanity. All these are meaningful points to keep in mind. Remembering that makes more reasons for me to stay sober and clean today.

the image was copied from https://ignitepotential.com/2011/11/positive-ripple-effect/ thanks.

Happiness is Homemade

5b5bf765c0d79cbdd8ed0aee8046f029 I read this on Wednesday at a place where I came for a job interview. Wrote it down. Had the interview. Two days later found I didn’t get a job, but that I came pretty close with getting it. That was a positive thought. And maybe it’s a good thing I didn’t get the job. I did a lot of thinking regarding it. And today I found that line. And it makes a lot of sense today.

So how is happiness homemade?

I read earlier today, browsing WordPress, that you cannot make others happy if you are not happy yourself. I expressed an opinion that well, you can, but not for long, because your being unhappy, even if you had skills to make others happy, will eventually catch up with you, and what you do, and who you are with. And then the blade will fall for them too.

That’s why I think happiness is not out there, somewhere in a mythical place, and we need to go through fog and fire, and over tall mountains to obtain it. We find happiness within ourselves. Even if we think our happiness is in others, I think it is our reaction to them that makes us happy. I may be with two people I sort of know, but they may be lovers, and I would never know what is it that he sees in her, while they mean a world to each other.

So, the happiness is something that we make for ourselves, and then we can share it with others. If I feel like crap this week, my girlfriend is still happy being with me, and me – with her, and I can feed on that to get better, even though I didn’t have it in me for a while. But if I am unhappy with myself overall, I will be looking for something positive, something magical, something to make me content, and I won’t find it until I look inside of me and try to create it, looking into what I am, what I’m trying to be, trying to achieve, trying to fix, and making steps toward making it a reality, coming close to that with every day if I believe it is important. Then, and only then, I think, I will be able to be serene with who I am and the world around me.

the image was copied from https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/550213279444757863/ thanks.