stress – Trezvennost II

Trains and Geese

Looking at the world one cannot help but wonder, said somebody famous. Sometimes that wonder is positively amazing. Some other times it is less great, for it is more of a realization of progressively lacking understanding of life as one gets older. “I can’t understand this world,” as the war hero in Burnt by the Sun movie said, “it’s some kind of trains with geese.”

The world tends to scare me much lately, way more than before. Maybe because I learn more of it now, and because of what I know, I fail to understand why things have to be so complicated to make things easier.

What do we do to get through the fear of things we know are going to eat us alive? We put down the straw mattress to cushion the fall. Everyone has to do their part to save some disappointment from the chaos of imperfect world that is probably not going to change for the better. I go every day thinking I’m on a mission, whatever it is. That keeps some apathy at bay and brings in some vigor to the pace. That way the trains and geese don’t bother me. I just know that I have to do my part and clean my side of the street, no matter who the president is or what other virus is out.

Halloween is over, and it is a new year (if you, like me, believe in the ancient European tradition that after Samhain fires it was the new year). Lets hope it will be the year that makes more sense.

(the image was copied from https://pixels.com/featured/train-chasing-canada-goose-steve-boyko.html. amazing job and thank you!)

overcoming

I hate it!

I didn’t sign up for this shit!

I really don’t need it, do I?

(let go)

Why do people do this to themselves?

(let go of ego)

What kind of life is this if you always have to do what’s prescribed in the paper?

(let go of wanting what’s right for you in the moment)

And this is not even in the paper!

(go inside yourself for a moment and listen to you heart beat)

I’m so mad right now and I can’t even express it, because this is workplace!

(just breathing can save you plenty of peace of mind)

Long deep breath in

Exhale to the point there is no air left and you feel you cannot do it for long without

Inhale it all.

Try a couple more times.

Keep thinking “I’m Ok. It’s OK. It will pass.”

Brushing away current personal dissatisfaction now

(what the fuck!!!)

Going with the flow of reality

(really?!)

You know you are feeling much better now.

(yeah, right)

And now, look, things start falling into place, aren’t they?

(i don’t know, man)

Yes, you do.

Enjoy.

Try not to think so much.

(how the hell do you do that?!)

When it doesn’t work,

Remember to breathe.

All the way out, all the way in.

Don’t just remember –

Act on it.

the image was copied from https://www.google.ca/search?q=caution+hot+sign&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjTlr3OuJLiAhWJi1QKHd3qCi8Q_AUIDigB&biw=1366&bih=625#imgrc=EaGeKj1m4YFSbM: thanks

old life

Somebody at the meeting said they heard others being regretful and remorseful, talking about wanting to have their old life back, before they started getting in trouble. The response to them was: “Why would you want your old life back? Clearly, it didn’t work!”

That is such a good insight. Change is something we all go through, and I think I won’t be the only one to say that not many people love change. Change brings stress and vulnerability, new challenges, just as much as it brings change in vision, new friends, and a promise of fresh start. Lots of anxious times, even if half the time positive.

As for old stuff, like a suitcase full of decrepit clothes and no longer relevant ideas, it needs to stay in the past. And not only it deserves to stay there, we deserve a life in which the old stays exactly that way, old.

There are some things you don’t want to forget. Your grandparents, the memories of childhood friends, and first love. And the recollections of making through what you thought you’d never be able to do. And the reminders of how badly you can mess up if you don’t keep yourself in check. Those are not to be forgotten, because it made us what we were once, and they can still teach us something.

At the same time, the relationships that didn’t work, behaviors that didn’t help, dreams we didn’t work for to make real, – all those belong in the trash or in the fire pit. There is no use for them. Let them go.

I will not say a word about the easiness of letting go, because I often have a hard time with that one myself. But important thing is we want to let go, and we try to do so. Trying it like we mean it – that certainly counts. Change will make its walk through our lives, whether we are trying or not, only when we didn’t, we’ll know. The old have stays in the past for a reason, just like what we have now is for a reason. And if life passes us by, that’s our own fault, I think.

the image was copied from https://me.me/i/life-doesnt-get-easier-you-just-get-stronger-me-now-2305673 thank you.

Answerz

Piss_509ba2_655651 The dumbest thing I could do to calm down a beast is slap it against the snout. If you think it’s not, let me know.

The same way, the worst way to solve a drinking problem is looking at it through the drinking glass.

It is clear to me now that I’ve stayed sober for a while. But back when I still drank, it was totally acceptable in my head to hold on to the liquor store door while trying to figure out how to get out of the mess that my booze-fueled mind has made sick body create.

How the hell did that work?

Quite aware of what a drinking mess I was, I was looking for a solution, but not a permanent one. I didn’t want the way out that didn’t include booze. That would be too much, because booze in my life had a function. If I removed it for good, there would be a hole left, and what will I fill it with? So, I wanted to let go, but not completely. I wanted to quit, but still hold on to the key. Just in case.

As one of my favorite performers wrote “Sometime things don’t work out, Sometimes things don’t work out… ‘Sometimes’ happen all the time… ‘Sometimes’ happen all the time!” (c) Henry Rollins. The thinking that was done in the mind frame of “I wanna, but I don’t wanna” couldn’t and eventually didn’t work out. I made promises to myself that if things go bad, I will do this one thing, but until then, drinking a couple beers once in two days was still OK, and if it became more than a couple, well then, it is not the end of the world either. Promise notes addressed to myself and put on the wall, I’d jump into the fight of every day, teeth clenched, brain spinning and having no idea how to react to a single tiny conflict. What a mine-field dance. I was pushing myself for a failure. I was basically pissing gasoline to put out the fire.

When I came to AA, I learned of this thing called “no reservations.” What it had to do with was that I couldn’t solve an alcoholic problem by finding alcoholic answers. And since an alcoholic is what I was, that’s what I’d be coming up with. Why? Change. Stress. I doubt anybody truly likes those. I sure didn’t. So, I pushed all of that life-changing scary shit out of the way. And when nothing happens, nothing happens, as I heard them say. And nothing really did, until I was “ready to let go absolutely.” No booze, no excuses to drink, no hanging out in bars, no hanging out with drinking buddies. Remove yourself from the drinking culture. Join the group of people who stay sober and want to stay sober. No compromise.

Sometimes things don’t work out… We may find ourselves in the relationship that is unhealthy, abusing, just plain dangerous physically, but we think we cannot leave – nowhere to go, or just can’t break away. But yes, we can. We can, as long as we look for a new solution, not something we chewed on so long that the taste of it is so familiar to us it feels like the only home we can ever have. Old problem needs new solution, otherwise it is a waste of time and brain cells, a joke about worrying likened to sitting on a rocking chair – it will give you something to do, but it will get you nowhere.

the image was copied from https://funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/506814/Piss/ thanks.